For almost five years I have served as Legal Editor of Pravda.Ru. During this time I have been praised and criticized for my work. And I’ve appreciated them both. When someone praises my work, I know there is at least one kindred spirit out there in cyberspace, so I don’t feel so alone. When someone criticizes my work, I know they at least took the time to read what I wrote.
But now it is time to expand my horizons. I am no longer content to sit behind a keyboard, hammering out words in an attempt to inspire others to think, to question and to challenge the way things are. So during this election year I’ve decided to throw my hat into the ring and announce my candidacy for President of the United States. My party is named the I’ll Never Get Elected Because I’m Not Dishonest, Corrupt or Greedy Party.
I have worked long and hard on my platform, and now have decided to put forth a series of proposed laws for you, my fellow Pravda.Ru readers, to peruse—laws that, if I’m elected, will immediately go into effect.
1). The Put Your Life Where Your Mouth Is Law
The illegal invasion of Iraq has produced a plethora of “brave” warmongers, ready and willing to fight this war from the safety of government offices and television, movie and recording studios, while soldiers actually serving in Iraq are finding their tours of duty extended, their domestic lives in shambles, and their suicide rates increasing.
To alleviate the pressure on these soldiers, George W. Bush , his fellow war criminals, and all his supporters will immediately be conscripted into military service. In addition to this, all of their relatives will be conscripted as well. No more parties for Jenna and Barbara Bush! It’s time to fight in daddy’s war.
This new army, which will be called the Warmongering Coward’s Brigade, will also consist of the following:
a.) All politicians who voted in favor of the Iraqi war, along with all their relatives;
b.) All celebrities—the Elisabeth Hasselbecks, the Dennis Millers, the Toby Keiths, the Kid Rocks, the Drew Careys, the Kelsey Grammers, the Robert Duvalls, the Jason Priestleys, the Ron Silvers, and others of their ilk—who are more than willing to hawk the war, but too gutless to fight in it;
c.) Everybody employed by the Fox (Faux) News Channel, including its owner and regular commentators;
d.) All executives of Clear Channel and Sinclair Broadcasting;
e.) All the Swift Boat Veterans who endorsed George W. Bush . While it may seem unfair to make these individuals fight in another war after serving in Vietnam , it was their decision to support a draft-dodging coward like Bush over a war veteran like John Kerry . Now it’s time to pay the price;
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